Where the "lost" can follow and be found, just playing this is my blog where I talk about cool stuff that interest me whilst posting my findings and frustrations of the day
This gets very introspective and personal, also kinda weird but I want to share so do read…if you want
I don’t know how I see myself. I have some moments of sheer and utter bravado and self confidence. Other times I can’t help but think I am not as great as people think I am, and just mediocre but sell myself as better. I fight this feeling each and everyday, that I am not good enough…I believe I am, but it goes back to another question for what? What do I want? Because some times I really do not know.
I’ve wanted this tangible-intangible ideal for as long as I can remember. I want to be the best, at what, I’m not quite sure…and that bothers me. I know what I want but I don’t, I want to be a doctor, but what before, also what after. That is a profession, not me. More than that, I want to be a good person, but I’m not quite sure how. I’ve had people recently of late say that I am, but I don’t feel like it. I feel like an empty shell, waiting to be filled with that sweet-tasting glow of “Greatness”. I am weak, and a majority of the time I feel as if I’m in above my head. I feel as if there is a cascade of expectations, and pressure on me from family, friends, teachers to be this forever elusive “great” and I am afraid that this shell that I have meticulously crafted will start to show its cracks. They say that pressure, causes some to crack and others to shine, and I am aiming for the latter, not the former.
I keep getting asked if I’m excited to be going…to simplify my increasing expanding range of feelings and emotions…no. I’ve lived here for the past 14 years of my life (I’m only 18 so that’s a long time for me). I thought I was ready, I’ve always said Arizona’s not my home and that Maryland is my home. But, now that leaving this place is a reality with the move tomorrow, I can’t help but think of all the wonderful moments I had at Bio these past four years.
I want to go back to where I know, with people I know, and teachers I love, with great friends. I know however, that this is a necessary part of life, to be able to face the unknown with a brave face, and to go onto new parts of our lives. The journey has been incredible, now it’s time for a new chapter of my life, and I will face it with the strength and determination that has guided me through thus far.
Packing up my room, preparing for the move on Friday and went through all my school things since like Kindergarten, and started to think about “I Wish” by Skee-Lo, which one of my teacher’s used in his farewell speech to us…and I just broke down and cried. I’m going to miss this hot-dry ass state, not for the weather but some of the wonderful people who inhabit it.
1) To become a doctor…More specifically an Internist
2) To make it to where my mother never has to work another day in her life
3)To have two beautiful children that I will love every single moment of my life, and to be there for them no matter what, and to love and cherish them
I didnt choose the nerd life, the nerd life chose me.
a genius of our age
- Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? Open
- Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? No, don’t stay at hotels often enough
- Where is your next vacation? Maryland but I’m also kind of moving there so…still counts :D
- Who do you think reads these? People
- Do you have a calendar in your room? YES of Italy!
- What’s your plan for the day? “Study” or I don’t know sleep
- Are you reading any books right now? Am currently reading The Hobbit
- Do you ever count your steps when you walk? YES when I’m kind of bored, or feel I’m leading with a foot
- Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing? Yes, got to keep the moves sharp
- Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yes it’s a terrible habit, and kind of sucks later
- What is your “Song of the Week” Oh My God - Jay Z
- Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes, we’re not Nazis, look it up
- Do you still watch cartoons? Every Damn Day
- What do you drink with dinner? Water, milk, or juice
- What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in? Sweet and Sour sauce
- What is your favorite food/cuisine? Baby back ribs, chicken alfredo
- What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Independence Day, Troy, Iron Giant
- When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Yesterday
- Can you change the oil on a car? Yes
- Best thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon egg burrito
- What is your usual bedtime? Whenever I’im sleepy which is usually late
- Are you lazy? yes
- Afraid of heights? Sometimes when I’m unsure of structural stability
- Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Doctor yo
- Hot tea or cold tea: Depends on whatthe situation calls for
- Tea or coffee? Tea son
- Favorite kind of cookie? Chocolate chip
- Can you swim well? If I could swim faster, you could call me the Black Michael Phelps
- Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? Yes
- Who do you want to see right now? My mom
In light of the murder-suicide in KC involving a Kansas City Chief football player, if you ever need to talk to someone, or you’re feeling really down, I promise I will try my best and will actively listen to what you have to say, I will not judge you, I won’t even speak or try to fix it if that’s what you need. I love all of you, and I don’t ever want anything like that to ever happen to any of you. Be safe you beautiful people